From Ripples to Waves:
Exploring How Minor Life Events Influence Our Journey and the Therapeutic Path to Clarity
Small issues often create ripples across our lives – but what happens when they turn into waves?
There are so many things that influence our life, our choices, and who we are. It’s often big things that spring to mind when you might be going to therapy – but I wanted to use this blog post to really explore how sometimes, it’s the little things.
There are small things that make a big difference both in big and small ways. A kind word, or a harsh tone. A cross voice at just the wrong moment. An accident that creates long-lasting impact.
What is a small issue?
A small issue doesn’t mean that it’s not important, or isn’t affecting you or your life. I suppose when I think of ‘small issues’ I think of things that clients may consider to be ‘small’. The kind of thing that has you questioning whether it’s ‘worth taking to therapy’.
I often hear phrases like “I didn’t feel like it was a big enough deal” or “people just manage”. There’s often an idea that some things are just ‘part of life’ I suppose. But if it’s something that is on your mind, that flashes up, or niggles away at you – why shouldn’t you be able to talk about it and get some support? Sometimes talking the small things through is what allows you to feel more able to tackle the bigger things.
In the spirit of loving a visual or metaphor, if you didn’t pump up the tyres on your car, you wouldn’t be able to get anywhere. Dealing with the small things is what enables you to keep travelling smoothly!
Why does such a small thing matter?
There are many theories about why or how small things can make such a big difference in our lives.
One of those, which I’m going to use for the basis of explaining this idea comes from CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy): when we explore our core beliefs, there are often unconscious or subconscious learnings that inform how we feel and behave. Some of these are helpful and useful to us; others – not so much!
These core beliefs often influence you and can create patterns of behaviour that impact many different areas of your life. This is the ripple – it starts off with something small, but can turn into a big wave over time!
What might have started off as a teacher telling you that you were “always messy” could end up years down the line with feeling as though you’re just not tidy no matter what you do.
Or a parent laying on praise for good grades develops into a sense that you have to be perfect – because when you are perfect, you are lovable – and therefore, cannot make any mistakes.
Written down – that might seem like an extreme thought! But we don’t tend to be thinking these things explicitly, but they’re there underneath the layers of different experiences that confirmed these early subconcious thoughts, and build into patterns.
These beliefs can be formed directly about the self, the world or even the future. (Fenn and Byrne)
How can therapy help with small issues?
I mean, frankly – there’s nothing too small! And the small things make big differences. But in this contact, where those small things are causing those life-long ripples – you can see huge changes. Those changes can take time. But from a person-centred perspective, when you become aware of the things that have impacted you, or are causing you upset – you move towards being able to make changes.
“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.”
―
Looking for clarity?
I hope that reading this – if you were worried that whatever you are personally struggling with wasn’t “big enough” for therapy, you can find some reassurance that you can bring anything at all – especially the small issues! You deserve to be heard and supported.
If you’d like to explore working with me, I’d love to hear from you.
I work with adults in person in Rayleigh & Southend, and online across the UK. I offer a free 15-20minute discovery call with no pressure, no obligation. Just a chance to have a chat, ask quetions and see if it feels right. If I’m not the right fit for you, I’ll help sign post you to support that is.
References:
Fenn, Kristina, and Majella Byrne. “The Key Principles of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.” InnovAiT: Education and Inspiration for General Practice, vol. 6, no. 9, 6 Sept. 2013, pp. 579–585, https://doi.org/10.1177/1755738012471029.