Are you unsure you experienced childhood trauma? You might hear that alot. Perhaps you’re considering whether some of your behaviours or feelings might be signs that your childhood is still affecting you?
For some, they know their childhood was traumatic, unusual or unstable. For others, it can come as a much later realisation or curiosity that perhaps things weren’t as straightforward as they once thought. In this blog post, I’m looking at some of the things I commonly see in practice, how it might affect you and what you can do about it.
What might be happening if you experienced childhood trauma?
You catch yourself using phrases like “It wasn’t that bad, was it?” or “But I wasn’t getting beaten, so it was fine, really.” These rationalisations can also include thoughts like “Well, others had it worse.” This doesn’t necessarily mean that your childhood was horrific or traumatic; however, it could suggest that something feels ‘off.’ Processing these thoughts can be difficult and frightening. If you’ve spent your life believing that everything was okay, it can be challenging to revisit those memories and realise that your experiences differ from those of others. You might also feel that certain needs weren’t met during your upbringing. This process can lead to questioning your past to build a clearer picture of your life as an adult.
It’s probably important to note at this point, that for many, the idea of ‘trauma’ feels too big, or ‘too dramatic’ but in this instance, it doesn’t always mean one big huge catastrophic event, but instead if you think of childhood trauma as emotionally painful or distressing events. These could be a series of smaller events or consistently not having your emotional needs met.
Like many adults, you might be unsure if you experienced childhood trauma. It’s common to feel uncertain about yourself and your experiences. You may question whether what you went through was truly trauma. After all, loads of people have had difficult experiences, right?
If you experienced childhood trauma, you may have faced abuse, neglect, witnessed violence or experienced accidents, natural disasters or the loss of a loved one.
5 signs you experienced childhood trauma that may present in adulthood:
- Difficulty Trusting Others
Adults with childhood trauma can often find it hard to trust people. Maybe you anticipate betrayal or rejection – even in safe relationships. This can be down to past experiences of being let down. And even harmed by those who were supposed to care for you. You may really want to trust others, but struggle with doing it! Possibly even finding yourself testing those that you care about to see if they can be trusted! You may find yourself not letting anyone help, or feeling as though you have to take everything on by yourself, because others will ‘only let you down’. - Low Self-Worth/Self-Esteem
Unresolved trauma can create a deep sense of inadequacy or shame. You might struggle with self-criticism, perfectionism, or feeling like you don’t deserve success, happiness or love. Have you found yourself with a really big inner critic? That voice in your head telling you that your work isn’t good enough, or that you should ‘just give up’. These thoughts might feel irrational to you, but they’re there all the same. - Chronic People-Pleasing
Many trauma survivors learn to prioritise other people’s needs. You may put others before yourself to avoid conflict or abandonment. This can lead to unhealthy boundaries, exhaustion and feeling like you’ve lost your identity! - Hypervigilance
Trauma can leave your nervous system in a state of constant alert. This might show up as feeling tense, having strong reactions to minor stress, or finding it difficult to relax. You may also feel like you’re constantly scanning for potential dangers or problems. - Dysregulated Emotions
Childhood trauma often disrupts or makes emotional regulation hard. As an adult, this might look like you have frequent mood swings and intense reactions. Perhaps you find it difficult to manage feelings like anger, sadness or fear.
How Counselling Can Help
If you’re unsure whether you experienced childhood trauma, you might be considering talking things through with someone else. Talking to someone who’s on the outside of your life, rather than in it, can feel daunting, but also easier than someone who maybe only knows you as an adult. Counselling offers a safe, non-judgmental space to explore and process thoughts and feelings about your childhood. At your own pace, you can uncover patterns in your relationships. You might work out behaviours that stem from unresolved experiences.
Growing a therapeutic relationship where you safely explore your feelings and thoughts can provide clarity to events that previously felt messy or jumbled in your memory. Through this process, you can begin to reframe your narrative, replace feelings of shame, uncertainty or self-doubt with self-compassion and kindness. This can be incredibly empowering.
You might want things you can do to manage emotional triggers, and build healthier coping mechanisms. And if you’re a hands-on kind of person, you might like to ask about things like mindfulness techniques, grounding exercises or strategies for setting boundaries in relationships. Over time, counselling can help you to reclaim your sense of safety and trust, both in yourself and others.
Immediate Actions You Can Take
- Start Journaling – Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help process emotions, and reflect on what you need. You might even notice some patterns if you journal for a while. If you need some prompts to get started, there are some resources here.
- Practice Self-Compassion – When you notice yourself being critical, challenge yourself to be kind. For instance, replacing the thought “I’m not good enough” with “I’m doing the best I can at the moment”. Taking small steps to have kinder self-talk can make a big impact on how you feel.
- Set One Small Boundary – Choose one small area of your life where you feel overwhelmed, what manageable boundary can you set? This could be politely declining an invitation if you’re tired, or asking for help with a task. Advocating for your needs can feel easier as you grow confidence.
Want to explore this further?
If you’re not sure or would like to discuss having sessions – you can book a free call to discuss what you’d like to work on.