Will a therapist tell me what to do?
Breaking down the misconception that therapists tell you what to do.
Are you making late-night internet searches of “will a therapist tell me what to do?” and wondering how can you talk to someone if they’re going to push you one way or another?
Maybe you’re hesitant to try therapy, because you’re worried the therapist will start telling you what to do. Or you’re not sure how to go about finding a therapist – especially if you’re scared that they’re going to start labelling you and telling you ‘what’s wrong with you’.
After attending a local group recently, and hearing thoughts that align with that common stereotype, I thought I’d add a post today to consider where that idea comes from.
I want to stress that this blog post is my own thought and reflection, but it’s definitely not my job role to tell you what to do. I’m not a psychiatrist or a GP and can’t diagnose you or prescribe medication. The therapeutic relationship is a collaborative one. We work together.
So, if I were your therapist, I would not tell you what to do. You may decide upon actions yourself during our sessions. And we might discuss different options together, so that you can weigh up pros and cons and explore different ideas, but it’s not my place to decide on what is best for you. I believe that you hold the best knowledge about yourself to choose for yourself. can
How does therapy work if I’m not being told what to do?
You might wonder how you’re meant to change things if someone isn’t telling you how. If you learn to drive, you have an instructor. Learn to play a sport, a coach. But the therapeutic alliance isn’t built through being told what or how to do things.
From a person-centred perspective, the therapeutic relationship builds on two people being present, one being incongruent (the client) and the other being congruent. When those two people meet for the purpose of therapy, with the congruent ‘helper’ showing empathy, and value for you as a human, without judgement, the relationship is special, and specific to aiding you as a client.
How does therapy help?
Person-centred therapy helps because it’s non-directive. Whilst it might seem unusual to not receive instruction – like in school, or at work! We believe that each individual is the expert of their own life. I don’t know what it’s like to be you. I will never share your exact life blueprint, even if we have had similar experiences, for instance, going to school or having children; I will never have grown up in your family, lived in your house, been in the exact same classes or received the same parenting. Even your siblings will have experienced your parents differently based on birth order, surrounding family circumstances, etc.
Therapy is an opportunity for you to explore your thoughts, feelings, memories and experiences. To have someone caring and supportive there to help you determine which parts to focus on, for you to decide what is important to you. To listen and validate your feelings, and challenge what is being said if it feels like it’s not quite right – based on what else we are hearing and seeing from you.
The relationship with your therapist can become a safe landing place for you to make choices, build confidence and get to know yourself and your wishes.
Want to book therapy for yourself?
Hopefully, this post has given you some reassurance that sessions wont involve you being told to do x,y or z. Or that you’ll face judgements of being told everything you are doing is somehow wrong!
If you’re feeling encouraged and think I might be a good fit for you, I offer any new clients a free call to discuss what they’re looking for, and to check that we’re a good fit before making any decisions. If I’m not the right fit for you, I’ll help you to find someone who is.