Would you know that ACEs are Adverse Childhood Experiences?
How would you know what ACEs are? I was talking to someone recently about how I work and what I work with, and I used the term ACEs. It dawned on me that I didn’t know this term until after I trained as a therapist, even though I was someone who had experienced them. So why would we expect others to know?
So this blog post is to explain what ACEs are, in case you ever see it, hear it, or recognise it and want to reach out for support as an adult.
ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences). Aces are described as potentially traumatic events that occur in a child’s life before age 18. (These events are still potentially traumatic after that age, but childhood is defined as up to age 18).
These events often get grouped into abuse, neglect and household dysfunction; these three main areas include things like physical, emotional and sexual abuse, physical and emotional neglect, growing up with domestic violence or abuse, mental illness, substance abuse, separation or divorce, or a household or close family member being in prison.
It might seem a little abstract, but hopefully, this clears up what the acronym is if you ever hear it. And, if you continue to read, you might figure out if you’ve experienced them, or why or how they might come up in therapy sessions. Chances are, you might not ever hear them labelled that way; they’re just things that have happened.
How do you know you’ve experienced ACEs?
ACEs are often measured using questionnaires, which are then used to score outcomes related to health, mental well-being, behaviour, and social challenges. Whilst I don’t use these in my practice at present, they do have their place.
Some people know that they’ve experienced ACEs because they can name what has happened to them, or a family member, quite easily. It’s clear, and they recognise from the outset that a particular thing has had an impact.
For others, there may be dynamics within their childhood homes that they weren’t aware were unhealthy. Or until later life, they simply didn’t register the impact on them, such as parents separating early in their lives. What had been routine by the time someone is an adult may have had a traumatic impact much earlier, from being anxious as a small child.
How do ACEs come up in therapy?
I think it’s important to note that whilst ACEs often have serious, long-lasting effects, they are not your life’s story written in stone. This is often where therapy comes in for adults who are recognising that their childhood, past, or relationships are affecting them and want to explore what is going on for them and why they feel the way they do.
For some people, it’s only after they start talking through things from their childhood that they recognise how certain events or family dynamics have affected them. It’s at this point, for many, when they bring up certain sadnesses, milestones or relationships that they pinpoint that something wasn’t quite right.
Being honest, it can be hard to recognise. It might hit you like a ton of bricks. Some people have a niggly feeling. It might be that as you get older and share with friends, peers or partners, you find that perhaps what you thought was ‘the norm’ may not have been occurring in other families in the way that you thought. However you are feeling, it’s okay.
If you want to talk things through as an adult, it can help you to make sense of things. To figure out how you feel about it all now. It doesn’t mean that you are blaming your family, or need to cut anyone off – going to talk things through can often just be a place to gain a better understanding of who you are in the here and now, and coming to a place of acceptance of anything that has already happened, so that you can make any changes you want in your life.
For some people, ACEs show up in adulthood in the form of mental health issues; low mood, anxiety, feelings of guilt or relationship difficulties, worries about abandonment. Some struggle with substances, anger or stress.
Some adults want to talk through what happened to them as children because they’ve started a family of their own. Wanting to prevent the same things from repeating or to manage their feelings better so they can be a calmer parent comes up. When trauma is generational, wanting to put a stop to the cycle is a common feeling.
How does therapy help with Adverse Childhood Experiences as an adult?
For so many adults, being able to process how their past has impacted them gives them a sense of peace and clarity, and the ability to take control of their future.
If your childhood experiences are impacting you as an adult, making it difficult at work, in relationships, or to feel safe, working through whatever is troubling you can help you to navigate a path to healthier relationships, more confidence, and trust in yourself. Many people find that therapy is a space where they can learn about themselves, their past experiences, and discover their needs in the here and now.
Building a supportive relationship in a safe space with a therapist can help to write a new story. One of hope, with a brighter future. Experiences in childhood are one part of your story; you get to pick up the pen and write the rest of it.
Whether you feel like you have some adverse childhood experiences, repressed trauma from growing up, or other difficult experiences that you want to talk about, you can do it with a counsellor. Therapy can be a space to share, talk things through or build skills for managing your emotions. It can be for exploring big events or talking through day-to-day happenings.
If you feel you recognise something in this, or it resonates with you, and you’d like to reach out for a chat, you can arrange it by clicking the button below this article.