What is the truth about self-care?
Let’s be honest: mainstream self-care advice has become… well, a little bland.
Scroll through social media and you’ll see perfect flat-lays of bubble baths, beige candles, curated skincare routines, and luxury products. Not only do you need to practice self-care, but you also need to use 15 different hashtags and create a matching caption? While none of that is bad, it can start to feel like unless your bathroom looks like a hotel spa, you’re not doing it right.
But here’s what I want to say loud and clear:
Self-care doesn’t have to be polished. It doesn’t have to come from a shop. And it certainly doesn’t have to be Instagram-worthy.
When It Becomes Just Another Pressure
So many of my clients (and me, too, if I’m honest) have felt guilt or shame around not doing self-care “right.”
There’s this idea that self-care should feel like this relaxing, transformational, soothing ritual. But what if it just… doesn’t? What if you’re a full-time working parent, surrounded by kids’ bath toys and neon shampoo bottles, not eucalyptus sprigs and curated calm?
We end up adding another thing to our mental to-do list:
- Rest well
- Meditate daily
- Journal every night
- Oh, and don’t forget to hydrate, move, nourish, glow…
It’s too much.
So What Is Real Self-Care?
If you came to me feeling burnt out and overwhelmed, I wouldn’t hand you a checklist or a bath bomb.
I’d gently ask:
What’s felt good to you before?
What’s your body craving right now?
And I’d encourage you to slow down, reconnect, and explore what you need, not what the internet says you should do. If you already feel weighed down by everything you’re doing day-to-day, we may even practice some breathing techniques in session. (And turning up for therapy is in itself an amazing act of self-care!)
Here are 5 examples of everyday self-care that are small but deeply regulating:
- Cooking comfort food that reminds you of home, safety or warmth.
- Wrapping yourself in a blanket with cushions and just being still.
- Box breathing – in through the nose, out through the mouth, slowly.
- Doing one small thing, like one load of laundry or clearing a corner.
- Reaching out to someone supportive – a friend, family member, or colleague.
Rewriting the Rules of Self-Care
If I could rewrite the rules, I’d say this:
- Self-care isn’t always pretty.
- It doesn’t need to be performative.
- It’s not for social media – it’s for you.
You won’t always feel like doing it.
But you’ll always benefit from it.
Sometimes it’s a shower. Sometimes it’s crying under a blanket.
Sometimes it’s letting it all go and knowing you can start again tomorrow.
Celebrate the small wins.
They’re not small. They’re signs of care.
You deserve care that supports your real life. Not a fantasy. Not a curated aesthetic. Just something that helps you keep going, feel a little steadier, and remember that you matter.
If you’re looking for different ideas to try, I’ve got a pre-made downloadable list of 50 different self-care ideas, a mix of soothing, practical, and indulgent ideas – you can download the list here.
In summary, the truth about self-care is:
- It’s overinflated by the media, films and magazines
- It doesn’t have to be a ‘big’ thing
- Intentionally doing things that are caring in nature, for yourself – is enough.
If you’re looking to make self-care simple and real? Sign up for my monthly Inner Circle newsletter for gentle reminders, book recommendations, and practical tips that fit into busy lives.