Is saying no hard for you? Have you ever found yourself doing something you were sure you didn’t want to do, but you’re there because you couldn’t quite bring yourself to say no? Or have you tried to say no but somehow got pressured into saying yes anyway?!
It’s not just you – so many people struggle with setting boundaries or feel guilty if they say no and feel like they don’t want to let people down or should be making others happy. It’s often something that comes up for clients when they start therapy sessions, and we often spend time looking at the feelings around saying no or why they feel as though saying no is hard.
This post will discuss why it can saying no is hard and give you some practical ways to make it a little easier.
Why Saying ‘No’ Feels So Difficult
There are lots of reasons, unique to everyone as to why saying no can feel so hard – but here are a few reasons that often come up:
- Fear of Disappointing Others – Worrying about hurting feelings or letting people down.
- Guilt & Obligation – Feeling like you ‘should’ help or be available.
- People-pleasing habits – Saying yes out of habit to avoid conflict.
- Fear of Rejection or Conflict – Worrying about backlash or being seen as difficult.
- Low Self-Worth – Feeling like your needs don’t matter as much as others.
- Cultural or Family Conditioning – Growing up in an environment where saying no wasn’t accepted.
Do you notice any of these in yourself? It can be helpful to notice the feelings that come up when you find yourself in situations where you feel as though you have to say yes, even when you don’t want to.
How to Make Saying ‘No’ Easier
- Shift Your Mindset
- Understand that saying no is about protecting your well-being, not being unkind.
- Realise that ‘no’ is a full sentence; you don’t owe lengthy justifications.
- Start Small
- Practice saying no in low-stakes situations (e.g., turning down a small favor).
- Use text or email at first if saying no in person feels too difficult.
- Use Simple & Polite Phrases
- “I can’t commit to that right now.”
- “That doesn’t work for me, but thanks for asking.”
- “I appreciate the invite, but I need to pass this time.”
- Delay Your Response
- “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
- “I need to think about that first.”
- This helps you avoid saying yes automatically.
- Expect Discomfort & Stick With It
- Acknowledge that saying no may feel uncomfortable at first.
- Remind yourself: Your time, energy, and needs are just as important as others’.
To summarise:
- Encourage readers to start small and remind them that setting boundaries gets easier with practice.
- Reiterate that saying no does not make them selfish—just self-respecting.
- End with a question: What’s one situation where you’d like to start saying no more often?
You don’t have to say no to everything, but you can start small. Begin to say no to small things that don’t work for you or just don’t feel right. The more that you identify what you do want to do and practice setting boundaries that work for you, the easier it will get.
Some people decide to work with me to get to the root of what’s going on for them, to have a safe space to explore feelings and past experiences and have some extra support whilst they work on this part of their life. It can be tricky when you feel like you want to be able to say no but find yourself saying yes to things that you don’t want!
Declining invitations or turning offers down does not make you selfish but self-respecting.
What’s one situation where you’d like to start saying no more often?
📩 Want some ready-to-use phrases to help you set boundaries with confidence?
Download my FREE guide: 25 Boundary-Setting Statements and take the stress out of saying no!