With the holidays looming, it’s easy to feel alone if you’re noticing more anxiety than excitement. You might be wondering how to set boundaries at Christmas when it feels so hard.
Not everyone looks forward to the holidays, and that’s okay.
As the countdown begins and festive songs start filling the shops and the radio, it can feel like there’s pressure to be cheerful and switched on. The invites roll in, the shopping list grows, and the expectation to feel grateful and festive builds. That alone can be a lot. But if you also carry the emotional load, managing others’ moods, smoothing over tensions, keeping the peace, it can feel completely overwhelming.
If this sounds familiar, and you find yourself doom-scrolling through picture-perfect moments online, it’s understandable to feel the contrast between what’s shown and what’s real. The truth is, the holidays can amplify that gap between how we think we should feel and what’s actually going on inside.
The Hidden Cost
Trying to keep everyone happy comes at a cost, emotionally and physically. You might notice your energy draining as you stretch yourself thinner and thinner to meet everyone else’s needs.
It’s common to see people-pleasing peak around the holidays. We don’t want to cause friction, so we go along with things we’re not really comfortable with. There’s nothing wrong with making small compromises when they align with your values, but when your boundaries start to disappear altogether, it can leave you feeling quietly resentful, disconnected, or just not quite yourself.
Looking Deeper
If you unwrap what’s happening underneath, you might notice familiar patterns from childhood reappearing. Perhaps you were the “good girl” who smoothed things over, or the “quiet one” who kept the peace. It can feel unnatural, even unsafe, not to play that role as an adult.
And when you try to change it, others might resist. If your role in the family dynamic benefits others, they might unconsciously push back when you start setting boundaries. But that doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re doing something different.
You’re not responsible for everyone else’s emotions. If you grew up walking on eggshells, it’s natural to feel anxious about shifting those patterns, but that doesn’t make it impossible. Often, that sense of responsibility comes from old wounds linked to low self-worth or emotional burnout.
What If It Could Be Different?
If it were simple, you’d have done it already. But this is your invitation to reflect:
What would it look like to protect your peace this Christmas?
Could you give yourself permission to rest, to say no, or to step out of a role that no longer fits?
It might feel uncomfortable at first, change often does, but there’s power in those small, quiet moments where you choose differently. You can still be kind and loving without losing yourself in the process.
Moving Forward
If this time of year stirs feelings of dread, guilt, or pressure to over-give, know that you don’t have to face it alone.
My EmpowerHER course is designed to help you explore how to set gentle but firm boundaries, understand your triggers, and reconnect with your own needs.
Or, if you’d prefer more individual support, you’re welcome to book a free consultation to work with me one-to-one, online or in person.
This Christmas, maybe your gift to yourself could be peace.