Wondering if you need therapy, or just a complete overhaul of your life? A holiday or something else?! Sometimes it can be hard to figure out what would be most helpful.
This blog post is for you if you’re googling for answers, trying to figure out the next step. You’re looking for some reassurance that things can get better. You might be fed up with repeating the same cycles over and over, or seeing patterns in your family or relationships. Hopefully, by the end, you’ll have a clear picture of some steps you can take.
How do you know?
You’re doing life, and for the most part, it’s all good. But there are certain areas where you struggle. You feel guilty for not going with the flow. You’re fed up with feeling like you let people walk all over you, despite being confident at work. You’ve had enough of feeling frazzled, burnt out and anxious and would like to relax!
You consider yourself self-aware, but there are some things you can’t move past. But now you’re wondering, will therapy help or just go over the same stuff you’ve been reading about online for years, or make you more confused?
You find yourself searching online for “counselling services near me” and peering through profiles trying to figure out from one headshot to another if you’re going to ‘click’ with the therapist or if they sound like they ‘get you’ – and that’s hard.
I can’t guarantee that I’ll fit with you either, and I’d go as far as to say that most therapists and counsellors are just doing their best to give you as close an idea of who we are as we can. None of us can wave a magic wand – but we can be there with you. The relationship in the therapy room is the biggest tool in the journey.
So do I need therapy?
That’s up to you – do you want to have someone outside of your everyday life to talk things through with? Would you benefit from having someone who won’t judge you or tell you what to do? Would it be nice to have someone you can be honest with, learn to express yourself and take those skills away with you to use in your relationships?
You might be unsure how therapy sessions could help, or if it’s for you. And everyone gets something different from it. You might be someone who just wants a single session, a chance to vent, get things off your chest and walk away feeling lighter.
You might decide that you want to be able to have therapy sessions for a longer period of time, to really get comfy and be able to work on things more intensively, talking things through, living life, coming back as you notice things cropping up in everyday life. Having a safe space to go back to could be what you find useful. Lots of clients appreciate being able to talk through changes they are making and how they feel. Having a sounding board that’s not part of that everyday life makes it easier to be honest and reflective, and having someone else reflect on what they’re saying often helps zone in on patterns and feelings they might not notice on their own.
I often think having a relationship with someone new in therapy can also be like a practice ground for learning to advocate for yourself; to say “I don’t agree” or “I didn’t like that!”. This can be taken away from the therapy sessions and moved into real life.
How does the therapeutic relationship develop?
You decide on therapy. You find yourself a therapist (You can read a blog post on finding the right therapist for you here.) and get booked in, if you get on, and continue to book sessions, a therapeutic relationship starts to form. For me, I think the relationship starts before that to some degree. You might read a blog post like this, see social media posts or a directory profile and start to form an opinion, or an inkling that this is the right person for you.
But as you get to know each other, build trust and engage, the relationship is forming. It’s a relationship built with different components from a friendship or family relationship. From a person-centred perspective, the relationship is often centred around what are known as the ‘core conditions’ – empathy, unconditional positive regard and congruence.
As a therapist, I use core conditions as the framework for relationships. Perfection isn’t the goal – but striving towards it wherever possible. In offering empathy in this way, I work hard to try and understand things from your point of view as much as possible; it’s also why I might ask questions to gauge whether I’m getting the right idea or I’m on the right track for how it feels for you! Unconditional positive regard is accepting individuals fully. I value you as a person and believe in your worth, regardless of your thoughts or behaviours. I strive to understand you without requiring your approval or fearing my criticism. And congruence is me being authentic, which is why I openly state that I’m human too!
Being authentic, within the therapeutic relationship, is something I think, in practice, is most beneficial for clients, because it removes any barrier of there being a professional ‘front’ – and allows us to come together as two imperfect humans, side-by-side. To explore together and journey through whatever you want to explore in sessions.
Signs it might be the right time to consider therapy:
- You notice yourself withdrawing from life, the things you enjoy and the people you normally want to spend time with.
- You’re tired of feeling anxious, flat, or on edge more than you’re not.
- You feel like you’re stuck in a loop.
- You’d like to give therapy a go, but you feel like you’ve been putting it off for a while.
Any of those is probably worth noticing and getting curious about, and you absolutely don’t have to hit rock bottom or wait until things are falling apart to benefit from therapy.
Do you need therapy?
All this to say, I can’t tell you. Perhaps the question is, what would it mean for you to feel differently? If any of this has resonated, it might be worth thinking about what you actually want from therapy, not what you think you should want. Whether that’s one session to get something off your chest, or something longer-term, it’s all important. You’re allowed to take up space and actually look after yourself.
If you think I might be the right fit, you can book a free consultation below, and we’ll figure it out together. And if I’m not? I’ll do my best to point you in the right direction.