Are you tired of keeping everyone else happy? Perhaps you have reached a point where you feel alone, and unsupported and want to stop?
Something that often comes up for clients when we work together is the pressure that they feel to keep everyone happy. Or to make ‘things okay’ for everyone else – even when they’re not okay for you!
I’m hoping by sharing this blog post will help you know that you’re not alone if you feel like this too, as we’ll look at how this might look or feel, and what you can do if you feel it’s becoming ‘unhealthy’ or to a point where it’s making you unhappy.
Smoothing things over leaves you drained, along with constantly worrying about everyone else, and the parts of life that can’t always be managed or controlled. Leaving you chasing your tail, or anxious and stressed about outcomes that are way out of your hands. The fear of not getting things right, or other people being disappointed can take over family events, day-to-day life and even your sleep.
What might happen when you are keeping everyone else happy?
So many different aspects of constantly making things just right can come up when trying to keep everyone else happy, such as:
- You lose sight of what you want
- You make everyone happy, but not yourself
- You may grow resentful because you aren’t expressing your own needs
- You grow tired, trying to anticipate needs and manage unspoken ideals
- You may feel taken advantage of or unappreciated
- Others start to expect certain things from you
- Conflict is a huge no, for fear of upsetting people
- Anxiety can rise
This list is not exhaustive, but it shines a light on some of the feelings people have expressed after spending time doing their best to keep everyone happy. A common comment I hear is “I don’t even know why I’m doing it!”
And, if you’re doing something for a long time, and can feel yourself doing it, even though you don’t think deep down it’s the right thing to do, or what you really want to do, it can be really frustrating to still find yourself repeating that pattern.
There are lots of different reasons why you may feel that this is the best way to go about life – from having periods of unhappiness or witnessing less than happy relationships and deciding that you don’t want to be like that, or learning early on in life that if you make people happy that you feel good.
Perhaps you worry about upsetting those you care about by disagreeing or not wanting to do the same things. Keeping others happy can minimise the stress of finding compromises, but it can also come at a cost.
How can you prioritise your happiness too?
Keeping everyone else happy has you exhausted, so you might be looking for ways to start making yourself a priority.
You might be thinking of counselling to figure out what makes you happy. Many clients say that they don’t know what they like anymore, or have lost sight of who they ‘really’ are, or what they enjoy.
Somethings that have been helpful for clients, that you might like to try too include:
- Make a list of everything that you would like to do more of, or enjoy doing! Start with this and then decide how you could include some of them in your life.
- You might need a little help with reorganising your time to make more time for yourself.
- Improving your boundaries, saying ‘no’ to the things that you don’t want to do, or asking for help can help.
You might decide to use resources like the ones I have online to work through how you feel about all of this or to figure out what makes you happier. Click here to find out more.
If you decide to seek counselling, you might explore the feelings that arise around what might happen if you don’t keep everyone happy, to work on yourself and feel more confident without feeling like you need to please everyone else but yourself. To work with me – click here to get in touch.