Therapy isn’t about fixing you. Because you aren’t broken. You’re not a TV. Or a washing machine. But maybe you don’t feel quite right, or how you’d like to. Along with this, you’d like some support getting to a place where you feel more like yourself, or you’d like to feel happier. Because you’re a human who wants to understand what’s happening in your life.
Often, when people talk about therapy, they assume that you’re at ‘rock bottom’ or in the middle of a crisis and that things need ‘fixing’.
Sometimes, you might be in a really bad place, feeling really low, struggling with anxiety or depression. Therapy is great for supporting you through those times of poor mental health. It can be a stable, consistent space. The relationship you build with your therapist can be a huge asset. It’s what drives your ability to make changes in your life. Having a good, solid relationship with your therapist or counsellor can be the backbone to change.
BUT – it’s not just for those moments. Therapy can also be somewhere to get an outside view on things. It isn’t something that is done ‘to you’. Unlike getting a beauty treatment where you walk in, sit down and have some products applied, it’s a working relationship. You’re in this as much as your therapist. Being person-centred at my core, I firmly believe I’m not the expert on your life. You are. I will be there with you. Yes, I will give you my time, energy, attention and care, but ultimately, I cannot do the work for you. I will cheer you on. Challenge you. But I can’t wave a magic wand and make ‘therapy’ happen.
What could you talk about with a therapist?
Just in case you’re thinking, “If you’re not going to see a therapist because ‘everything is awful’ – what would you talk about?” – There are loads of things you might want to talk about. These range from big life events, turning points and milestones, to relationships, career issues or everyday life.
Maybe you’re considering a change in your life, at work, at home, in your marriage or long-term relationship. Perhaps you’ve encountered a hurdle or barrier to doing something you wanted. This could be: getting promoted, taking further education or even having children. Having someone external to your everyday life to talk things through with can help you to filter through how you’re thinking and feeling. Maybe you’re fed up or noticing that as you get older, there are fears or anxiety that are showing up, and you aren’t sure how you want to handle them.
If you’ve discovered something about yourself, your own identity, and you want space to process what it means for you without all the noise of the outside world, having a gentle, encouraging, supportive space to do that can be a weight lifted off your shoulders.
There are a myriad of reasons to go talk it out in therapy.
So what happens in therapy?
For many clients, once they’ve decided on who they want to work with, through either a short call or chat, they book a session and begin working with someone. Whether they are having counselling sessions online or in-person, it can feel a bit daunting to begin with.
The process of getting to know someone new, talking to them about how you’re feeling, can be strange, a little scary – exposing. It takes time, and feeling comfortable to begin to trust someone with your ‘stuff’.
As you go on, you build a stronger relationship and become more aware of what is bothering you and weighing you down. You start to find solutions or work things out in sessions and out of them. Things can get a little difficult at times. Even outside of sessions.
Sometimes, between sessions, you may find that things feel harder as your mind continues to turn over the topics you have been bringing up, digging into memories, thoughts, and feelings, even in your ‘downtime’ between active work with your therapist. This can be really tiring. Sometimes it’s the friction between other people in your life as you begin to make changes for yourself. You are working hard to change things for yourself, but other people may like the status quo. Adapting to new ways of being can be difficult, and there may be resistance from different people. This side-effect of changing that isn’t often spoken about, but I think it’s important to recognise that change affects people in different ways.
If you’re struggling with others’ reactions to change, consider discussing it in sessions or exploring boundaries. Resources are available on my website, or feel free to reach out.
If I don’t need fixing, how do I know I’m done?
This is a subject well debated – and the answer is different for everyone. If you were to go back to the TV analogy, you know that it’s working again, the engineer stops working. In therapy, you can decide. Some therapy services only offer a set-amount of sessions, which limits what you’ll do. However, in open-ended therapy, you choose! You can reduce the frequency and then stop. Or you might just get a feeling. You might notice that you’re not waiting or excited about getting to the session in the same way. Or you don’t have anything pressing to talk about.
You might want to plan an ending session with your therapist, or just let them know that you think you’re okay now and no longer need the counselling sessions and would like to make that session your last one. It can be different for everyone.
For me, as a therapist, I like to have an ending session with my clients, but I understand that some people just like to go their own way. Some people like to put sessions on a pause, and find it comforting to know that they can return at any time should they wish to. I will go with what feels right for my clients, and I trust that you know yourself best and will make the right choice for yourself when the time comes.
That being said, when working with clients over a longer period of time, a check-in to see how you’re doing, how you’re finding the work and if there’s anything I could be doing more or less of is always helpful.
Conclusion:
- Therapy isn’t just for when you’re struggling or in a mental health crisis
- Anyone can have therapy sessions
- Therapy can be there whenever you need it
- The therapeutic relationship is a collaboration – not a dictatorship
If you’ve got any questions or would like to discuss what you’re looking for, please get in touch. I’d love to talk it through with you. If I’m not a good fit, I’m happy to help you find someone who is.