You might feel unsure what to talk about in therapy. And that’s okay.
(No, really, it’s okay!)
I wanted to talk about this because it often comes up with clients when they get to the session and suddenly aren’t sure what they want to talk about. It’s totally normal, and happens to all of us!
Sometimes, you might turn up with a whole host of ideas of what you want to run through, tell your therapist about and be excited to get straight into it all.
Other times, your brain might feel like it’s got tumbleweeds. Seriously. Even when before the session you had a list, a personal podcast prepared, you sit in the chair, and ‘nothing’. Also okay. You won’t always know what to talk about in therapy, and sometimes, what you thought you wanted to talk about in therapy turns into something entirely different!
How do I know what to talk about in therapy?
I also won’t tell you what to talk about in therapy, it’s not my session – it’s yours. And that’s part of the work, the magic, the brilliance of building a therapeutic relationship is letting go of the outcome and allowing yourself to sink into the process. There is absolutely no ‘right’ way to show up, no ‘perfect’ subject matter, and no need to have a ‘big problem’ to solve. You can just be yourself. And the right stuff tends to come out.
If you’ve noticed anything that relates to why you initially looked for a therapist, or something different, you might want to bring it up. Anything that feels like something you want to explore. You might even just talk through what’s going on in your life right now, and how you feel about it. Is there anything that you might like to be different? Are there changes you’d like to make but are having trouble getting them to stick?
Where to start in therapy?
If you’ve never had any talking therapy before, the idea of meeting a stranger to talk through your ‘stuff’ and open up to someone new about how you are feeling can feel a little daunting. As a qualified, accredited therapist, it might help to know that we’ve also sat on the other side, and had hours of our own personal therapy as part of our journey to becoming qualified; so we have some awareness of what that can feel like – and if you’re nervous, your sessions can go at whatever pace feels right for you. There’s no rush, no deadline, and in open-ended sessions, there’s no set time limit or number of sessions you have to get it all done in.
If you’re seeking counselling, chances are that you have a rough idea or feeling that is sparking your interest in working with a psychotherapist or counsellor – that can be a good starting point. But ultimately, there’s no need to prepare anything! You don’t have to know what to talk about in therapy. You just have to turn up and see where it takes you.
What can’t I talk about in therapy?
Personally, I invite talking about whatever you feel you want to talk about – including what you had for lunch, any current plans, your favourite things, TV shows, music, gigs you’re going to, family life, social life, work, your past, present and future – it’s whatever feels right for you. There may be areas that feel outside of my scope of knowledge, and if you wanted to get support in an area that felt like it was too far out of my expertise and experience, I’d probably bring that to your attention and recommend us looking to signpost you to someone who could adequately support you, with the right knowledge. That’s part of me working ethically; it’s not a reflection on you, but me doing the right thing to ensure you are in the best hands.
So, with all that said; if you’re looking for a therapist who will actively encourage you to talk about whatever feels useful for you in that moment, where you can relax and you feel like I might be the therapist for you, please reach out, book in a time to have an initial conversation to see if we’re a match.